Thursday, January 27, 2011

I Dreamed....

A few nights ago, I dreamed of him. He was reclining on the hospital bed. I couldn't see much of his body, it was covered by a greenish blanket. But his face, it was.... glowing and looked rosy and healthy, there was no signs of any burnt. There were other people in the room, but I couldn't recall whom. And he was explaining.... how difficult it was to breathe at that time....

It was not the first time that I dreamed of him. This was the fourth time, I think. I couldn't at this very moment, recall much of the other two, but the first dream, it was more vivid. It was a few weeks after the tragedy. He was reaching out to his wife, my niece, in fact they were both reaching out for each other.... Somehow I became their "perantara" and I could see both of them, and she actually couldn't see him.... Does it make sense?? It was a sad dream, I could feel both of their pains. I never told my niece of the dream or the other dreams, I felt that she couldn't take it. I told my mum though.... for the sake of telling somebody so that I didn't feel alone, but not the details. I just said that I dreamed of him. I woke up feeling so sad and depressed, and there was a big lump in my chest. I recited Al-fatihah for him.

I don't know why I dreamed of him, to say that he was very very close to me.... I think it was more of, I feel closer to his wife(who is my niece) and the children. But he was forever polite to me. When I was younger, I used to dream of my mum's niece. She died a long time ago and I was not close to her at all but I dreamed of her a lot. Finally, when I told a friend, she advised me to recite surah Yassin for her. After that, I never dreamed of her again.

When he passed away last September, I wished I could see his burnt face and perhaps body too. I just... wanted to see.... When a friend told me of his officemate's blog, I tried to search for it. I found one picture, he was being carried on a bed, his face was slighly turned to the other side and I couldn't see clearly of any injuries to the face. But when I first saw that picture, there was a sharp pain in my chest and the blood seemed to rush to my face and I cried all over again.... as I did when he died.... as I do now....

Perhaps I have been forgetting him, in the last weeks I have not been reciting any surahs, not even a short and simple one, for him. I just assume, his wife, his parents and his parents-in-law (my sister) do that for him. I pray that he was placed by Allah S.W.T. among the blessed. He was a good husband to my niece, a good son to his parents and always respectful of the elders.

10 comments:

Cat-in-Sydney said...

Mother of Ilham,
(((((HUGS)))))

Nana said...

i amsterdam,
...

Al-fatihah to arwah. ((hugs))

Hanis MY said...

innalillah...al-fatihah...

i amsterdam said...

Dear Cats, Nana & Hanis,

Thank you so much... Alfatihah.

Lady Lavender said...

wordless..Alfatihah. Semoga dicucuri dahmat & tenang disana. Insyaallah.

fa10 said...

salam kenal, singah dr blog lady lavender.
al-fatihah, moga roh arwah dicucuri rahmat.. amiin

i amsterdam said...

Lady Lavender,

TQ & amiin to your doa, insyaAllah.

i amsterdam said...

fa10,

Salam kenal :) and welcome to our world. TQ & amiin to your doa too :D

Cheqna said...

Al-Fatihah..semoga ruh-ruh mereka tenang di alam yang baru...

i amsterdam said...

Cheqna,

Alfatihah.. and amiin to your doa.